These are based off of actual complaints aired by fans at each of the respective shows and movies upon their premiere.

Star Trek, the original series - This show is terrible! A giant ribbon at the edge of the galaxy? There’s no scientific basis for that! This show is throwing away decades of progress away from hackneyed kiddie show nonsense. We want hard science fiction on television!

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan - I can’t believe they’re KILLING OFF THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER. Star Trek is dead.

The Next Generation - Wait, Picard surrenders right away? Kirk is better than that Eurotrash Picard! He’s a stuffy bald jerk. That Wesley kid sure is shrill. Wait, the fourth episode is super racist! I’m turning this garbage off.

Deep Space Nine - It’s a space station instead of a starship? It’ll never work! Oh man, these first few seasons are BORING. A Ferengi as a member of the crew?

Voyager - This woman can’t be Captain. Why are they stranded at the ass end of space? Way to throw away decades of continuity!

Enterprise - Wait a minute, if it’s set in the past, why is the technology going to be so much more advanced? This will never work. Oh great, another airhead who can’t act in a catsuit. Thanks, Rick Berman.

Dear Star Trek fandom,

I get it. I’m not wild about this Kurtzman guy either. Into Darkness was pretty terrible! But honestly, we have no idea what the premise of this show will be. We don’t know who will be in the writer’s room.

And on a basic, fundamental level, disliking a venue of distribution is hardly a basis for dismissing the content of a show that will be airing on it.

Now kindly go back to your mother’s basement and shut the fuck up.


Jesse Mac