It turns out that there’s a Conservative furor over a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar that features a blond Caesar, costumed in a suit. Well for once, I agree with the conservatives, this was a stupid staging that should never have been performed!

Trump is nothing like the title character. Caesar was a noble man who was killed for challenging the privilege of the powerful. The play is about how Rome was better with him, and the folly of those who opposed him. It’s too flattering for Trump.

No, if we’re going to transpose modern times onto Shakespeare, let it be King Lear. That play starts with a foolish king demanding a public show of loyalty from his duplicitous children and firing the one who tells the truth.

Or what if I was to tell you about a little idea I had for a staging of Titus Andronicus?

Titus is a capable man and a successful general, so obviously he wouldn’t be an analogue for Donald “Bone Spurs” Trump. But given the age and increasing moral laxity of Titus, perhaps a likeness can be found in a certain Arizona Senator?

No no, our antagonist, Saturninus, as inept as he is cruel, is clearly going to be blonde and spray tanned in this production.

These productions ought to sell out for… maybe three and a half years?